I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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