Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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