Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
