I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
