i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
