Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
