I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
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