I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
