the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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