i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
