I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
