there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
