i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
