So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize