Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
