Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
not ubering you a puppy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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