I'd wear matching sweaters with you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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