apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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