I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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