omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
