so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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