there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
