Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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