i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize