dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
