Buhtt sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
