we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
