nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
