So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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