also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
