Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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