Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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