Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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