your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
