1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
