i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
