Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
