an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
