haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
