The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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