did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
