My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
