don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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