And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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