Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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