I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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