I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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