thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found the puke drawer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
