My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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