There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
