I cockslap morals
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
