separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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