if only i could text you this smell
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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