This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
