just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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