she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
