Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
