She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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