and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She bit a glass in half.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
