"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
