i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
