Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
